you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
