I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
