Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
