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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
