i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
