also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
