the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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