she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
