It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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