i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
is it fun? or sober?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
