My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
