so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
