We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
