dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
