last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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