life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
