A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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