Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
