she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
