I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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