You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
