we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
