thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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