Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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