Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
