I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
