All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
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You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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