just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I feel great
I just peed on a car
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
