i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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