Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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