just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
