why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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