PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
