she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
