he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
