It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude i'm inner monologue high
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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