Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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