I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
