I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
