I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
