he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
