she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I am one with the molecules
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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