hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
