nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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