And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
