y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
