Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
