In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
