I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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