I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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