Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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