are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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