Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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