We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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