she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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