Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
