Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
