First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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