im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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