Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
