i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
