how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
