12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
