so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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