goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
