I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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